The best version of this one I’ve seen
Three Canadian guys — a Newfie, a Quebecer and an Albertan — are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. “I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes total”, says the genie.
The Newfie says, “I’m a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity.”
With a blink of the genie’s eye, the oceans were teeming with fish.
The Quebecer was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Quebec, so that no one can get through and pollute our perfect culture.”
Again, with a blink of the genie’s eye, there was a huge wall around Quebec.
The Albertan asks, “I’m curious. Please tell me more about this wall.”
The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out.”
The Albertan says, “Fill it up with water.”
I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing.
And I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she then says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said, “What?!”
So she says the words that I and every other husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her Emotional Needs As A Woman.
I’m thinking, “What was her first clue?” I finally realized that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day we went shopping at a big department store. I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I say, “OK.” And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you …she was so excited! She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don’t think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn’t even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK too.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, “I’m ready to go, let’s go to the cash register.” I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No, honey. I don’t feel like buying all this stuff now.” You should have seen her face — it went completely blank. I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to hold this stuff for a while.” Just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “You must not be in tune with My Financial Needs As A Man.”
I figure that I might be having sex again sometime next year. But it was worth it.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastination.
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